Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
