So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
