Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
