Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
