They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
