Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
