Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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