I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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