Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
