so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
