You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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