How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
