so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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