I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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