eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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