Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
