so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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