Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize