I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
