you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
