i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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