Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
