My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
