how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
