no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
