also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
