i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
