I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
