Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I smell like Dick and happiness
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
