Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
