you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
