Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
