so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My Higher Power is John Stamos
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
