That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Two words: nipple clamps
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