Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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