she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
they're like a gay fantastic four
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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