you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
