I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You ruined the universe
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
