I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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