Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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