sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
