So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
