checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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