chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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