she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
