I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize