Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
