my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
