Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
