I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
