Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
