Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
third nipple confirmed
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
