If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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