I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize