are you so shy because you have an std?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
