I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
