Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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