I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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