if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
