using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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