Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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