I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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