I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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