Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
