i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
