The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
