i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You made out with two different species that night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
