I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize