There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
