Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
