I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
