It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize