Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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