Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
