my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
