I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
