do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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