not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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