I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
