I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
jump out the window naked night went bad
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
