oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
