Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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