and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
