i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
