Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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