don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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