I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
