oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
