I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
