Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
