He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize