it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
