I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
