we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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