WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
