This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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