Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
