I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sober January is a disaster.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
