I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
