Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
