Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Someone shit on the floor
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize