I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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