1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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